As a romance writer, I receive emails from readers who tell me they want to have a life like one of the heroines in my novels. A life where they not only find and stay with their true love, but they are working and making a great living doing what they love to do. The readers write, that not only do they dislike their jobs, but they either haven’t found their true love or the relationship they’re currently in feels empty.
I understand what the readers are saying.
About a year ago, I read a romance novel where the heroine ended a relationship with a man who didn’t want a commitment. She walked away even though she loved him and their incredible connection. Before she said goodbye, she thanked him. Because of him, she was ready to commit to a relationship. Even as she told him this, she knew leaving him was going to be one of the hardest things she ever had to do. Yet, she left him anyway.
I finished the novel and thought about how much we put up with in life, whether it is working at a job that doesn’t make us happy, or a relationship that isn’t fulfilling our needs. I also thought about how long we’re willing to stay in those situations when our goals and what we crave in life aren’t met.
The fact is, every one of us wants to live the life we’ve always imagined. And the readers who reach out to me are ready to change their lives. They just don’t know how.
So, I put together some tools that I use in my own life, when I life coach, and when I write about the heroines in my novels. I hope they help you, too!
Step 1: What kind of relationship do you want to have?
It doesn’t matter if you’re finding your true love or you’re already in a relationship.
If you’re finding true love, what is your ideal partner? Try to avoid how you physically want them to look. Instead, think about how you want them to be on the inside. How do you want them to treat you? What kind of activities do you enjoy together? Is he/she emotionally and physically ready for you?
If you’re currently in a relationship are there ways you can personally change to strengthen your relationship? Are you happy with how you’re treated in your relationship? If not, how else would you like to be treated? Are your needs being met? If not, how can things change in order for your needs to be met?
Actions Step: Take out your journal or a few pieces of paper. Now since you’ve thought about this, write at least two pages on what you want and how you want to be treated in a relationship, whether you’re still looking or you’re with someone. The more specific you are the better.
Step 2: What have you always imagined doing with your life?
How have you pictured yourself earning an income? What is your dream career? When you were young, what did you imagine yourself doing? Take time and think about how you can impact the world doing what you love. Do you want to serve others? Do you want to work for yourself? Do you want your job to include traveling? Do you want to have a job where you make your own hours? Do you want to work from home? Do you want to be a manager or a leader? Really think about this. Use your imagination and don’t hold any thoughts back. Anything is possible.
Action Step: Write at least two pages about what you’ve always dreamed of doing as a career. The more specific you are the better.
Try not to be realistic while you write. Let your thoughts carry you. There are no limits. Try not to have doubts and fears as you write.
Step 3: Read what you’ve written from the first and second steps.
You can read what you’ve written as many times as you’d like. Then reflect on what you’ve written. Reflect on how you’re living right now versus what you wrote down on paper. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself these questions or any other questions that come to your mind. Here are a few that I came up with:
Are you working at your dream job? Why are you not doing what you love? What is stopping you from living the life you just wrote down in your journal?
If you can’t leave your job, what ways can you change your behavior or actions to make it your dream job?
Action Step: What step can you take toward making your dream job a reality?
Example: If your dream job requires a degree or certificate, take one class toward that degree. You can also find someone who’s already working in the job you’d like and ask them questions.
After reading about what you want in a relationship, how can you be open enough to find your true love? Are there walls you’ve built around your heart to protect yourself from getting hurt? Are you ready to break down those walls? The fact is, it doesn’t matter how many dates you go on. If the walls around your heart are thick, no one can get through, including your dream partner.
Another question: Do you need to learn to trust yourself again? In the novel I’m currently writing, in the beginning of the story the heroine doesn’t trust herself because of what happened in her past relationship. But as the story goes on, she learns to trust herself again and the choices she makes. If you trust yourself, it will help you trust a new partner as well.
Here are some questions if you’re already in a relationship:
Has your partner hurt you in some way, that caused you to build walls around your heart? Are you able to remove those walls so you can enjoy your partner again? Do you need to communicate better and let your partner know what you’d like to improve in your relationship?
And if you’re being mentally and emotionally mistreated, are you ready to walk away from your partner?
I’m not saying any of this is easy. It’s not easy walking away from someone you love. But at the same time, staying in an unfulfilled, empty, and in some cases abusive relationship, is not helping you live the life you’re always dreamed of having.
It may take time to make the necessary changes I listed above to live the life you’ve always wanted. But I encourage you to take a leap of faith and make changes no matter how small.
I want you to live the life you wrote down in your journal.
These are just a few tools I use in creating the life I want, the life my life coaching clients want, and the way I write my heroines in my romance novels. You deserve to live the life you crave. If you need help with these steps, please feel free to contact me.
I hope this helps you!