Yesterday, I was disappointed in myself. I was determined to finish writing a scene in a romance novel I’m currently working on. This is a crucial scene as the heroine is talking about her past with her ex-fiancé. But before I wrote the scene, I chose instead to go back to the first chapter of my manuscript and re-read it, thinking it would help with this scene. Two hours later, I was still reading the manuscript as I was editing it way before I normally do. Normally, I edit at the end of writing the draft. So, by the end of the day, I didn’t finish writing the scene I was determined to write when I sat down at my computer.

You’re probably thinking that’s not a big deal, and rationally it isn’t. But at the time I was devastated that I didn’t make my word count. Not making my word count makes me feel bad about myself.

As I got into bed to go to sleep, I still felt disappointed with myself, and that was not the way I wanted to end my day. I knew I had to think differently about the situation. Since I coach women who also feel disappointed with themselves from time to time, I thought about what I’d tell them.

First, I’d tell them to look at what is making them feel disappointed within themselves. Is what’s bothering you catastrophic?

Usually their answer is no. There are things in life that are catastrophic, but most likely this isn’t one of them.

Second, I ask them to close their eyes and release the feeling of disappointment. When I was lying in bed that night, there was nothing I could do to make my word count for the day as the day was over. But the feeling of being disappointed remained. There was nothing I could do to change the results, but I hated going to sleep feeling this way. It didn’t make me feel good and I didn’t want to wake up the next day in the same negative state of mind.

So, what I do and what I tell my clients to do is close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose and then exhale that feeling out. Send that awful feeling out into the Universe. It’s not helping you to keep that feeling inside. Keep taking deep breaths and exhale the feeling out until you feel better.

Once you’re feeling better, you’re ready for the third step. The third step is to close your eyes again and imagine your day being better tomorrow. For me, I imagined making my word count the next day and feeling happy about it. One of my clients, was on a strict diet. She ate a big cookie and she felt bad about herself. She imagined eating healthy the next day and she pictured exactly what she ate.

The fourth step is more of a reminder. I remind myself and my clients that the situation wasn’t catastrophic. And I remind them that they’re so lucky that they’re healthy and they have tomorrow to make different choices. I allow the feeling of gratitude to consume me and my clients. We’re lucky the sun will rise again the next day and we can start fresh. That’s definitely a reason to feel gratitude.

So, I’m going to list the steps I take and the steps I give the women I coach, to make it simpler for you. I hope it helps. If you need more guidance, please contact me. I’d love to help you further.

Step One:

Answer this question: Is what’s making you feel disappointed in yourself catastrophic? Think about it.

Step Two:

Take a deep breath and exhale out the bad feeling. Keep doing this until you feel better.

Step Three:

Close your eyes and imagine your day being better tomorrow. How would you do the day differently? If it’s a situation that made you feel disappointed in yourself, imagine how you can change the situation tomorrow.

Step Four:

Remind yourself that the situation wasn’t catastrophic. Then feel gratitude that you’re healthy and you’re able to make different choices tomorrow.


Everything I write about are tools I use and the women I coach use in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life. But everyone’s situation is different, and these tools may not work for you. I hope they do, but I’m only here to help you. There are many tools you can use to live a better life and that may or may not be my tools. But I truly hope I can help you!