4 Steps to Take When You’re Disappointed in Yourself

Yesterday, I was disappointed in myself. I was determined to finish writing a scene in a romance novel I’m currently working on. This is a crucial scene as the heroine is talking about her past with her ex-fiancé. But before I wrote the scene, I chose instead to go back to the first chapter of my manuscript and re-read it, thinking it would help with this scene. Two hours later, I was still reading the manuscript as I was editing it way before I normally do. Normally, I edit at the end of writing the draft. So, by the end of the day, I didn’t finish writing the scene I was determined to write when I sat down at my computer.

You’re probably thinking that’s not a big deal, and rationally it isn’t. But at the time I was devastated that I didn’t make my word count. Not making my word count makes me feel bad about myself.

As I got into bed to go to sleep, I still felt disappointed with myself, and that was not the way I wanted to end my day. I knew I had to think differently about the situation. Since I coach women who also feel disappointed with themselves from time to time, I thought about what I’d tell them.

First, I’d tell them to look at what is making them feel disappointed within themselves. Is what’s bothering you catastrophic?

Usually their answer is no. There are things in life that are catastrophic, but most likely this isn’t one of them.

Second, I ask them to close their eyes and release the feeling of disappointment. When I was lying in bed that night, there was nothing I could do to make my word count for the day as the day was over. But the feeling of being disappointed remained. There was nothing I could do to change the results, but I hated going to sleep feeling this way. It didn’t make me feel good and I didn’t want to wake up the next day in the same negative state of mind.

So, what I do and what I tell my clients to do is close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose and then exhale that feeling out. Send that awful feeling out into the Universe. It’s not helping you to keep that feeling inside. Keep taking deep breaths and exhale the feeling out until you feel better.

Once you’re feeling better, you’re ready for the third step. The third step is to close your eyes again and imagine your day being better tomorrow. For me, I imagined making my word count the next day and feeling happy about it. One of my clients, was on a strict diet. She ate a big cookie and she felt bad about herself. She imagined eating healthy the next day and she pictured exactly what she ate.

The fourth step is more of a reminder. I remind myself and my clients that the situation wasn’t catastrophic. And I remind them that they’re so lucky that they’re healthy and they have tomorrow to make different choices. I allow the feeling of gratitude to consume me and my clients. We’re lucky the sun will rise again the next day and we can start fresh. That’s definitely a reason to feel gratitude.

So, I’m going to list the steps I take and the steps I give the women I coach, to make it simpler for you. I hope it helps. If you need more guidance, please contact me. I’d love to help you further.

Step One:

Answer this question: Is what’s making you feel disappointed in yourself catastrophic? Think about it.

Step Two:

Take a deep breath and exhale out the bad feeling. Keep doing this until you feel better.

Step Three:

Close your eyes and imagine your day being better tomorrow. How would you do the day differently? If it’s a situation that made you feel disappointed in yourself, imagine how you can change the situation tomorrow.

Step Four:

Remind yourself that the situation wasn’t catastrophic. Then feel gratitude that you’re healthy and you’re able to make different choices tomorrow.

Disclaimer:

Everything I write about are tools I use and the women I coach use in order to live a happier and more fulfilling life. But everyone’s situation is different, and these tools may not work for you. I hope they do, but I’m only here to help you. There are many tools you can use to live a better life and that may or may not be my tools. But I truly hope I can help you!

Xo,
Rochelle

3 Ways to Deal with a Nosy Person

Last week was my birthday. It’s the time of year when you speak to some family members and friends you haven’t spoken to in a while. They call to wish you a happy birthday and then proceed to ask you questions about your life that in some instances you’re not wanting to give.
What I’ve learned and what I tell the women I coach, is that you don’t have to give everyone every detail of your life. There are situations in your life you view as sacred and that not everyone, including family members, have reached your soul.

I have a client who has a friend who calls her every few weeks. When she calls, she asks her a myriad number of questions. My client feels the need to answer the questions because she doesn’t want to be rude. But the questions are so personal and she feels her friend judges her choices in her life. And then my client feels defensive as she’s talking to her. By the time she gets off the phone, she feels bad about herself and her choices.

I’m here to tell you, that you don’t have to answer anyone’s questions that you don’t want to.

I’m giving you permission, just as I gave my client permission, and just as I gave myself when someone I only speak to every few months called me on my birthday, wished me well, and proceeded to grill me with what was going on in my life. It wasn’t the questions she was asking me as much as the tone she was using. This person hadn’t earned the right to ask me the questions she had, because she didn’t know me very well. She didn’t know my storyline and even if she did, the tone she used would never have made me tell her every secret I have. So how did I handle her?

First, I took a deep breath.

Next, I wondered how she was doing in her own life. She sounded bitter. What was going on with her? So, I changed the subject from me to her. I asked how she was. And just as I suspected she wasn’t happy. She spoke about herself for a few more minutes and then I did something I never would have done growing up or in my early adult years, I told her I had to go. I thanked her for calling and wishing me a happy birthday and then I got off the phone.

You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to. Or, if it’s a family member or a friend you see from time to time, you’re allowed to get off the phone with them.

What I discovered, and what I tell my women clients is that we’re powerful beings. We don’t need to speak to anyone who makes us feel less than who we are. This includes speaking with them on the phone or in person. We need to be around others who mirror our power and not attempt to take it away from us, because no one should be capable of that.

I won’t give my power away to anyone and neither should you.

The heroine in the romance novel I’m currently writing has been through a difficult time. The only person in her life who knows the extent of what she’s going through is her best friend, Seth. She doesn’t open her heart and tell her coworkers or some of her family members details of what she’s been going through. But she trusts Seth. He’s always been there for her. He’s honest with her, but at the same time loving. Gentle. He believes in her and he’s supports her through the good and bad. He’s earned her vulnerability. Her trust. Not her coworker, Beth, who’s curios about her and accuses her of flirting with their boss. That’s not someone she feels comfortable with spilling her beans.

Here are three tools I use in my own life when someone who hasn’t touched my soul is prying into my life. The heroines I write about use these tools as well as the women I coach. I hope this helps you, too.

Set boundaries and stick to them.

When you feel the other person on the phone is being judgmental toward you, get off the phone. End the call nicely. I don’t believe you should ever hang up on the person unless they’re being abusive. But get off the phone. You don’t need this person to enter your sacred space or lower your vibration. You don’t want them to ruin your beautiful day. If you’re talking to them in person, keep your time with them short. The shorter the better.

Choose if you want this person in your life at all.

This may be difficult if this is a person who is friends with your other friends or they’re family and you have to see them. Again, what I recommend is when you have to see them you keep your encounter short and sweet and then walk away. You don’t need to hang out with anyone who doesn’t make you feel like the goddess you are. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and not bring you down.

Breathe

Breathing is so important when dealing with others who have lower vibrations than you. Usually when someone is acting judgmental it probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how unhappy he or she is. Not that I’m making excuses, because I believe everyone should be kind. But when you take a deep breath, it helps you get out of your head, and see the situation for what it really is. This will help you feel calm and even compassionate for the other person.

Mostly, remember that you’re a powerful person who trusts the choices you make in your life and no one can take that away from you.

I hope this helps. Please contact me if you need more guidance.

xo,

Rochelle